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Children & Grief

Helping children understand and process grief can feel overwhelming. This guide offers age-appropriate guidance for supporting children through loss.

Grief by Age Group

Under 5 Years

Understanding of Death

May not understand death is permanent. Might think the person will 'come back'.

Common Reactions

Regression (bedwetting, thumb sucking), clinginess, changes in eating/sleeping

How to Support

Use simple, concrete language. Maintain routines. Provide physical comfort and reassurance.

5-9 Years

Understanding of Death

Beginning to understand death is final but may see it as something that happens to others, not themselves.

Common Reactions

Questions about death, fear of losing others, guilt ('Was it my fault?'), physical complaints

How to Support

Answer questions honestly. Reassure them they're safe. Allow them to express feelings through play or art.

9-12 Years

Understanding of Death

Understands death is universal and permanent. May want to know specific details.

Common Reactions

Acting out, withdrawal, school difficulties, anger, trying to be 'strong' for adults

How to Support

Include them in conversations. Allow them to participate in memorial activities. Validate their emotions.

Teenagers

Understanding of Death

Adult understanding of death but still developing emotionally.

Common Reactions

Risk-taking behaviour, isolation, intense emotions, questioning beliefs about life and death

How to Support

Respect their need for independence and peers. Be available without pushing. Consider professional support.

Helpful Tips for Parents

Use clear, simple language – say 'died' rather than 'passed away' or 'lost'
Be honest – children can handle truth better than discovering they've been deceived
Allow children to attend the funeral if they want to – but prepare them for what they'll see
Create memory activities – drawing pictures, making a memory box, planting a tree
Maintain normal routines as much as possible – school, activities, bedtime
Watch for prolonged changes in behaviour that might indicate they need extra support
Share your own feelings – it shows children that grief is normal
Read age-appropriate books about death and grief together

When to Seek Professional Help

While grief is a normal response to loss, some children may benefit from professional support. Consider seeking help if you notice:

Prolonged withdrawal from friends and activities
Persistent decline in school performance
Talk of wanting to join the deceased person
Prolonged physical complaints with no medical cause
Extreme behaviour changes lasting more than 6 weeks
Your own grief makes it hard to support your child

Need Support?

Our team can provide resources and guidance for supporting children through grief.

Contact Us